so call me maybe

Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

Oh, uhm, I wasn't singing along to that annoyingly catchy version, though.........................





Notice to the public: 
 Sometimes, it goes like this....................
"This video contains content from Vevo. It is restricted from playback on certain sites."
LOL SO GO WATCH THAT ONE ON YOUTUBE.

woops do I sound mean?


Anyways, listen to this one, instead. 

Call Me Maybe (Cover - BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge) by Ben Howard

a dose of picturesque to feed your wanderlust

sloppy sketches {sigh, i tried}

This looks like a caricature. Wtf. Her arm looks deformed but be that as it may. I'm too discouraged to make amendments to that as of the moment. 

Sigh. I just feel very frustrated. I think I screwed up my canvas painting, and I'm having daily sessions for 2 weeks which means, I'll probably be reminded of my failure every single day until I get to bring it home and hide it. 

your skin is see-through

rattle your bones lose

break all visceral connections

don't let them see what makes you

you are just a mere savage

with no bullets to spare

you've got bombs against you

in this cold twisted warfare

but the world is in its awakening

blood courses through your veins

you're still alive

you're breathing

you're alive

so run

run for your life

save your soul 

before they take it

before you morph 

into something more grotesque

than what we've all become

look at us 

look at the monsters we've become

look at the embers fading in our eyes

look at our broken bones

look at our broken homes

look into my eyes

be afraid 

be hypnotized

look at me

when  i scream your name

when i shake you awake

when i tell you

save your soul

for you are a lovely creature

and this lonely world

{how lonely it is, indeed}

is nothing

but grateful to have you

{merely breathing and alive

in all your loveliness

in all of your flaws

in all of your perfection}

in it

{12:16 am on a monday}

• I've been out the whole day with my little family of three. Sunday mornings will always and traditionally be about waking up at 6 am, going to church and breakfast. From there, it either gets better, or plummets downhill. 
• Why is it May? And why is it June next month? Wasn't it just April days ago? Why is life passing me by? 
• Last few weeks of art workshop. Painting on canvas tomorrow. I should be excited but I'm not. I've figured it out. I want to do art at my own free will. I want to do it according to my own way of doing it. I don't want a uniformed or universal structure to follow.  I feel quite trapped following the proper drawing proportions of the human body, or having a schedule to religiously attend to, but I am more than happy to be learning. I'm happy to have all these illustrations to follow and look up to as I cannot rely on my own imagination to come up with the right things at the right time.  I'm happy to see my own hands filling up the pages of a sketch book that used to be blank, but I'm afraid that's what makes up most of it. Maybe that's what I signed up for. Maybe all I wanted was to bring a used-up sketch book and a painted canvas home at the end of the summer in order to feel accomplished and useful. Or maybe I still feel quite alone in the midst of all those people and kids who talk too much. Maybe I still feel awkward when someone looks over my shoulder to watch. Maybe I still dread the stiff necks I get from hunching over for too long. But I am happy, somehow, to some extent. 
• I'm sorry. I just poured myself out. Did that make sense?
• I don't know why but you are lovely. 
• I hope I dream the sweet dreams tonight, but just in case, could you dream the sweetest ones you could dream for me? 
• I miss a lot of things that most  probably wouldn't miss. 
• I'm not feeling so well. I should just sleep this off.
• Why do I slack off so much?
• Ugh, it's Monday. 

{in slumber}

Sleep knows me well

too well 

 it has roamed  the  dustiest corners

of my nervous system 

(and that's saying a lot, if i myself must say so)

it knows what i long for

what i longed for

it knows that my longing 

will be the death of me

it knows that it can kill me

in itself

but it has done something much worse

it has left me 

dying 

 in the most subtle way

this is the reason 

why i had no words left

when i woke up one day

at noon

conflicted

when i stayed under the covers

crumpled

when i never left my bed 

until the clock screamed

it was 5 pm. 

home alone {at 8 pm on a lovely sunday}

My little Mushu and I are home alone after a long day. 

No, scratch that.

 Actually, I had a long day. Mushu mostly just lazed around and dozed. 

 haha omg i look like a creeper lurking behind him lol

Because I'm bored and hyper and all alone. 

I've also got my own super moon right here! look! 

(lol but really I'm just quite scared to go up to the roof deck all alone woops)

for chryssie

Happy 15th. Stay lovely. I love you. 

{at 2 am}

You must have said goodbye last week when you hung up

I must not have heard when I lingered

You are a few miles away and you're breathing

But you are merely a soul in my sorrow

Life must have carried on for you when you bade farewell

It must have stopped for me when I started waiting

I didn't know what I was waiting for and I was lonely

I thought the phone would ring again

You must have fled from home where reality is cruel

I must have stayed and stared at the ceiling in the dark

Sometimes, I cried in front of the bathroom mirror

I could not sleep

You must have ventured and met the greatest of the generation

I must have stayed under the covers all morning with the creeps under my bed

I turned to the door to leave, car keys in hand

But then I stopped. I didn't know how to drive

You must have missed them

I must have missed you

But I said I missed everybody to make you feel un-special

I guess it didn't work

You must have gone ahead and changed and forgotten

I must have forgotten too because I was left wondering

If you had said goodbye when you hung up last week

If I had not heard when I lingered

I was pretty sure you did not, for all I heard was silence

Silence means consent

You must have thought it meant farewell

Playlist done on impulse, 11 tracks worth

Youth's only over if you let it fade from worrywart on 8tracks.