Know what?

I think Twitter is one of the best places to rant.

 It's the only place where people actually pay attention to what you're saying.
Or tweeting, for that matter. 

Hi.

I think I'm losing my grip.

Ok. Bye. 

The only thing I'm praying for every single night is for me to understand everything I'm feeling because one minute, I've figured it all out. The next, nothing makes sense. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

I've been laughing a lot lately. Laughing without reason. It wipes off all the clutter in my mind but it manages to fly right back. Cliche as it may seem, laughter really is the best medicine, but I need a stronger dosage to cure me. 

If these alterations become permanent and that was the last...... I don't know. As usual, I guess I'll just force myself to live with that. If it makes everyone happy, it'll be alright. I'd rather suffer alone than affect the people around me. It's better than knowing someone having closeted anger at you after all this time of thinking everything's fine.

I cannot get over this. I cannot. I simply cannot.

I have to live with things. I have to listen to things. I have to see things happen. I have to live with everything I don't want to live with.

I want to talk to someone. 

I want to hug someone.

Ok.

Hahahaha i love you. 

Every morning, I wake up.

A whole day has passed.

Another one in front of me. 

I have this tug in my chest

Like a deep sadness

Some mysterious yearning 

I don't know why I'm sad

I don't know what I'm yearning for. 

It's feels like nostalgia

It's been clinging to my mornings for a year or two.

Some speak of nostalgia like it's bliss

They say the mere word with all the grandeur they can muster

But it's not

It's a lonely feeling

I will let go of my grudges

My hard feelings

I'm trying. 

When will I finally go back to my old self?

When will I finally feel happy?

When will I learn that my existence actually means something?

When will I learn to overcome my emotional conflicts?

When will I stop worrying?

When will I pick up a book again and start to lost myself in the pages?

When will I have time to spare?

When will I pick up a pen and write on actual paper?

When will my words flow out?

When will I stop apologizing?

When will I stop masking my pain?

When will everything be okay? 

You should know by now that my greatest fear in life is losing the people that matter the most. 

One must never think in extremes 

That's what those wise men say

So I must be a fool

Or just purely insane

To say
You must never meet these things halfway

I hate you.
I tried.
I couldn't.

It's a war out there

And if I don't survive

If, by chance, I don't get out alive,

Send out the letters I left unsent

All the words I've poured

Hidden in the dark, quiet corners,

Of my lone sanctuary

A pile of blotted pages

Where I trapped my tears

The jagged pieces

Little parts of you I kept

It's a war out there

And if I don't survive

If, by chance, I don't get out alive

Keep your tears in a bottle

Don't let it break

Remember, I'll only be in slumber

It'll be a dark dream

Listen to the wind

I'll sing you to sleep

Close your eyes

Someday

I promise

You'll wake up to you and I

It's a war out there
And if I don't survive

If, by chance, I don't get out alive

Please know 

I never planned my departure

I never planned to leave

Not by sea, nor by train

Not by land, nor by plane

No, not through a bullet

Or a shot in the heart

But it's a war out there

Everything's fair