Letters to Alice

Dear Alice, your skin smells like the crisp aging pages of an old book,  like the years lost under my bed. Your hair flows, a lighter shade. You are still as lovely as you were.

Dear Alice, your rabbit hole has grown too small, I’m afraid; too small for your limbs to crawl out.  Daisies and marigolds grace the edges like how weeds visit graves, singing you elegies and lullabies with each passing day.

Dear Alice, no one can save you now. Save yourself.

Dear Alice, the doors are all locked and the keys hidden.  “DRINK ME”, the potion said. Yes, drink me, Alice! and did you ever pause for a flicker of hope before your closed your delicate fingers around the cold glass, that you never were to return again?

Dear Alice, you are shrinking. There are eyes, eyes, eyes everywhere. You are too small. They are watching you, sizing you up. Leave, Alice. The door is unlocked now. Be polite. Close it on your way out.

Dear Alice, run. Run and never look back. Find the Queen of Hearts and play croquet and never look back. Dance with Tweedledee and Tweedledum, and be merry and never look back. Chase the Cheshire Cat and memorize its grin and never look back. Have some tea, Alice, and take my advice: never look back.

Dear Alice, I’m sorry. There are no caterpillars smoking pipes and there are no magic mushrooms There are only girls in heels just around the corner smoking joints and waiting. Alice, Alice, why? You looked back and do you see now, Alice, that the Mad Hatter was just lonely? That he had ruin in his eyes? Do you see now that Tweedledee and Tweedledum were deceptions to pull you under? That they sung sweet songs engraved with lies? Do you see now that the cakes were stale and the potions were venom? Do you see now that the White Rabbit was no more than a fancy illusion? And so was the Cheshire Cat, Alice.

Dear Alice, paint the flowers, paint the flowers, paint the flowers. Paint them, Alice. Paint the daisies and marigolds. Paint the roses. Paint the thorns.

Dear Alice, I found you under the shade. I did not wish to wake you, but you opened your eyes. I wish you never had, for, Alice, the wonderland is gone, and the world is cruel.

Dear Alice, there is no wonderland. There is only wreckage. There is only ruin. There is only the world. There is only a wasteland. 

11:29

YOU ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!! THE BAD KIND OF NUTS!!

7:53

1. Church bells sound like shards of glass to me. There are holes in my faith I wish to mend. 
2. You are a book I cannot read in one sitting. I want your pages to last. 
3. We are not so unfortunate, after all. The stars still wink as if they know every little secret in the world. Maybe they do, maybe they do. 
4. You told me once that travelling made you forget the aches you felt back home. Eighteen days more and I will be far, far away. The taste of forgetting will linger on my tongue, and it will feel so, so good. 
5. You told me the same stories over and over and over and over. You forget easily. I’m afraid you’ve forgotten about me. 
6. Look out your window. I think the moon’s lonely
7. Alice, Alice, I’m glad you’re alive. 
8. My dad’s fruit shakes are like bursts of sunshine, except they’re ice cold.
9. I wish I had really long arms so I could lift everyone I love off the ground and scoop them up in a really tight hug. 
10. On second thought, that was a really bad wish. Everyone would be running scared. I mean, who the fuck has arms as long as those?! 
11. I’m not gone. I’m lurking. 
12. This is going nowhere.

speck-s

Haven't blogged in a while but I do plan on going back here soon, when I find the time to make some changes, find a new theme and all that. This old theme reminds me of a lot of unpleasant things that send sad shudders down my spine. I don't want to have to think about them for now. I'll be around here for the mean time: speck-s.tumblr.com

I'm an ask away, but I'll be back soon. I promise. 

I missed you a lot. You used to feel like home.

pepero, train rides and chryss |121812

• I had a date with Chryss last Tuesday and we did the most random things on impulse. I was an hour late (yes shame on me) but Chryss was all cool with it (because she's k00l like dat). 
• She talked me into trying wintermelon milk tea and really, it tasted weird at first, but it kind of grew on me as I sipped to the last drop. 
• Then, we bought lunch from Mcdonald's and pigged out in the food court which was darn crowded but we managed to grab ourselves some seats. Yes, we literally had to "grab" ourselves some seats and it took three attempts to finally snag a place. 
•  We walked around and I tagged along as she went Christmas shopping. She did try to help me pick out presents for my parents, but indecisiveness struck and got the best of me, and I ended up not buying anything. Boohoo. 
• We "raided" (k00l kidz yo) the supermarket next. I got myself a pack of Pepero while she bought sweets to stock up for the break.
• We hopped on the kiddie train, which was running on slow-mo, munched on Pepero and took snapshots of ourselves as passers-by stared because why the heck would two fifteen-year-olds be riding a train around the mall? 
• Finally, we ended up at the food court where I had loud laughing fits and outbursts of buffalo songs as we shot embarassing vlogs (which may or may not be posted)  using our phones. I swear, the people behind us were shooting us weird looks. 
• It was a lovely day and I'm looking forward to more adventures like this one. More crazy vlogs, too. 

"And if you find love, could you save me some?" 

Stuck in a rut, I am. 

• It's 1:43 am and I should be writing an essay for this summer seminar, but I can feel my emotions swelling with anxiety because they might not give me consideration for missing several days of the seminar because of a scheduled recital outside the country. It's like choosing between the world and college, a choice in which I would choose the world without hesitation, but seeing as, the world will only last for twenty days, while college will define my whole future....well. Heck, I might not even get in. 
• I will have a date with Chryss tomorrow and I will forget all my troubles. 
• You utter those sweet words - is this your way of compensating for the time lost?- but you leave anyway. And that's enough proof.  
• I have gone for so long, feeling alone and such. I had no need for fitting in. I was okay with being a misfit. I was okay with sticking out like a sore thumb. I was okay with being different, but on some days, I just needed to belong somewhere. 
• Small talk and laughter is hard to pull off on days like these.
• "I need you" shouldn't fool lovers. Nor should they fool anyone. Needing someone is not the same as wanting someone; needing someone is not the same as caring; needing someone does not equal love of any kind, and needing alone is the worst thing you can do to anyone. 
• One of my friends is undergoing an open knee surgery tomorrow morning and I hope it goes well. Send out a little prayer for her, please? :)
• The Connecticut Massacre is one of the unthinkable tragedies that only shows how this world is no refuge anymore. Maybe heaven needed little angels up there but I wish the world could've taken them in a way that did not bring so much pain to the struggling souls left here to earthly existence. Rest in peace, little ones. Rest in peace, heroes. You will be remembered. 

• And so, we might not have class tomorrow because Super Typhoon Pablo is predicted to hit the Philippines and everyone's so happy that they'd have a day off from pop quizzes and droning class discussions and terror teachers and Chemistry, and I guess I am a bit relieved as well, but I would seriously give up a day off from school just to make sure everyone's safe because Signal #3 has been raised in over 7 areas and we all know how bad typhoons can get in the Philippines. 
• And I know this probably makes me seem like such a goody-two-shoes, but I don't really care. In all honesty, I am getting a bit scared and it's weird because I never used to be fazed over storm signals. 
• And if it's not too much to ask, it'd only take a few minutes to send a little prayer to everyone who needs it. 
• And yes, I know I haven't been blogging lately. Just paid a visit to see how things are going over here. 
• I had an okay day. 
• I went to school with puffy eyes today and everyone was asking if I had any sleep or if anything was wrong. I even got my Math teacher to worry. Thanks for caring. It means a lot. 
• See you again, love.