Just a thought. 'Cause you know...it happens.

• Do you ever get that feeling? You know, when an awaited moment comes, then, suddenly, it's just over? First, you bask in the pleasant surprise and savor that little leap of happiness within you. Then you get that hint, some kind of warning that it's ending. You try so hard, so darn hard, to prolong it for even just a little while, just until you've gotten enough to fuel you up for the time being 'cause you know it's a rare occurrence. No chance of it happening for a long time. Maybe you do succeed. It goes on for the a minute or two. Back and forth, back and forth, a brief exchange.....but it ends anyway. 

Then you start to hate yourself for letting it end. For feeling happy because it was temporary happiness, after all. You can't believe yourself. You've fallen for it again. You've been a fool but you know deep within yourself, you've been yearning for it, waiting and longing. 

Just a thought. 'Cause you know... it happens. 

• I hesitate to open myself up to people. I hesitate to admit that, yes, this is actually how I really feel. Yes, this is really how it is for me. Yes, it's that difficult for me. Yes, I feel that too. Too much risk of hurt out there, you know what I'm saying? 

Just a thought. 'Cause you know....it happens.

• I also hesitate to tell the truth for fear of hurting people. I do sugarcoat a lot, but that's not what I'm saying. I just....you know those moments when you say you're just fine, it's fine, everything's just fine, but it's really not 'cause you're really struggling inside? That's it, but let's keep it this way:  I'm a liar and I lie to make people happy, and I'm wondering if that's bad. It's impulsive. I hate it ,but I embrace it. 

Just a thought. 'Cause you know...it happens.

• When you were a kid, did you use to play pretend, too? I did. Wasn't it much fun back then. It's difficult now. You have to build a stealthier disguise, a more convincing one to let people believe what you want them to believe. 

Before, maybe you were Superman. You had a red cape and you could fly around the city. You save that damsel in distress to prove your worth and your glory. 

Before, maybe you were the princess. You had a long flowing dress and a precious silver tiara. A witch was about to zap you away, but you had to have faith for that prince, your true love to come miraculously barreling through the scary monsters and all that. 

Under all that glitter and gold and shining, shimmering, splendid, though, you were in your ratty house clothes. Just an ordinary kid. Clueless and happy.

Now, though, you have fake smiles and overeager laughter, looking away and poker faces, "I'm fine"excuses and lies. Under all that, though, maybe you're breaking, maybe you're angry, maybe you're sad, maybe you're alone. Endless possibilities and uncertain disguises. 

Playing pretend isn't fun anymore, you know?

Just a thought. 'Cause you know, it happens. 

• Fallen expectations break me. So do all the clutter I've been trying to dump at the back of my mind that come rushing back to bother me and my lazy days. Those days were my refuge. Temporary happiness, once again.

You try so hard to be better. You try so hard to reduce all the hate. You try so hard but it's impossible. 

Just a thought. 'Cause you know, it happens.

•  Merry Merry Christmas, once again. Before I go to sleep.... Jesus, thanks... for everything. Everything. I know I'm all messed-up and foolish. I can't even count how many times I've committed those stupid mistakes and wrongdoings against you. Sometimes, I just hide. I run away. I'm sorry. And thank you. I can't put everything into words but.... thank you. I love you. 

Just a thought. 'Cause you know, Christmas happens once a year and I kind of owe some gratitude and reconciliation to God.