Oh no.

That's it. I've said it. It's out there in the open.  I was just blurting out words that formed in my mind and oh god no. Oh no.

You know how everyone believes that things shouldn't be left unsaid? Well, I believe in that, too. It's just that I find it so hard to say what I want to say to people, to let them know what I want them to know, even though it's about how much they mean to me. I'm that difficult. And when it finally comes to the point that it's out in the open and reality hits me that I've blurted out something that I shouldn't , I feel sick to the stomach. I'm scared of the pain that awaits me when the words you said won't mean anything to that person just like I'm scared of losing a friend.

Also, I'd rather be bleeding inside, I'd endure all that hurt and stay silent than point out how someone hurt me. I'd rather let that someone go on and have a happy life. Especially if that person matters.


And with that said, I realize that I've just figured out something about myself. Thanks.