I am happy. A little.

For some reason, my chest doesn't feel as heavy as it usually does. I actually feel a bit....happy? But every time that feeling comes, there's usually that hint of...........something I can't describe. Some gentle force of negativity pulling me away. My brain perceives it as some kind of warning or premonition. Or maybe it's plain pessimism.

It reminds me not to get my hopes up, though. At the very least, it does serve a purpose. 

I hate this feeling.

I always try to cushion my fall with pessimism. It never works.

Sigh.