Notes to you all

• Dear parents,
• Won't you ever try to understand me? Is this all that you'll ever gonna do? Curse me? Shout at me? Get mad at me? Meddle with my privacy? You stick your head in my business every five minutes for staying up so late. Well, you know why my eyes are still open at 2 am in the morning and my nose is still stuck in a book? You know why? Of course you don't. I'm trying to squeeze my life for motivation because you're never going to give me any. And everyday, I'm striving to feel, at least, happy but you throw me back and I always find myself swimming in pessimism everyday and darn it, I am so tired of this. I hope you'd at least try to understand your only child 'cause really, you are the last people I see before I sleep and the first when I wake up and I just hope that whenever I close my eyes at night and open them in the morning, I'll at least have some kind of reassurance that I'll have someone to run back to when I feel lonely or alone or mad or angry or anxious or scared. 
• Dear people who matter and to those who don't,
• I have a long list of reasons to hate you. You. You. Yes, you. But since I can't hate you all, I'll just hate myself.
• Dear God, 
• It's December. The only thing I want this Christmas is happiness. Not the superficial kind. I've been feeling really down lately. And lonely. And alone. And if I don't feel those things during the day, they all come barricading down on me at night when I'm alone. All those worries and fears  eat me up. 
• Dear Birth Month,
• Please be kind to me. I feel like I've wasted half of the year. I have the urge to repeat that song lyric over and over and over again like a mantra. But no. "No regrets, just love" ? That's not even true. Please please please at least be bearable to me. Please make me laugh. Please make me smile. Please let me sleep peacefully. Please? Please? Please. 
• Dear People's Expectations,
• F you. Nobody will ever understand how much I really really hate living up to your standards but I feel like I'm in too deep. I feel like I have to. So just f you.

• Dear You, 
• Yes, you. You've reached this part. You probably went through all of that^ shit, didn't you? I'm sorry. Thank you.