Lost

• I had an awful day. Those days when every single thing just goes wrong. It's been going on since last night. I've had all these thoughts cluttering my mind, distracting me, pulling me into this void. I can't exactly put it into words. All I know is I want to sob deep heaving sobs until I fall asleep and feel numb the next morning when I open my eyes. 
• I accidentally fell asleep with my uniform on. Gross, I know. And ugh, backaches and all. Terrible. 
• I want to help people. I want to be good to the people around me but sometimes, I don't know where to turn when they all call my name 5 minutes before we pass those Math seat works. I flail around, trying to cope. Sometimes, I end up feeling sweaty, tired and crappy. Sometimes, I just feel stressed out. 
• Really, though, other than those things, I don't mind all the questions being asked, but really, shit happens. 
• And dear Math teacher, why are you telling me that? It's not like it's my fault. It's not like I know exactly where my paper is. It's not like I can teach every single person that does not understand your lesson well. Why don't you teach them? Clearly, this time so that they'll grasp all these quadratic equations. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. I miscalculate Math equations and sometimes, I can't even cope with myself, my dysfunctional self.
• ^I'm not usually that mean but I just felt shitty and that made me feel shittier, like I actually did something wrong. My conscience is too bothersome for my own life. It's been bothering me since last night. Don't add, please. 
• We were given the freedom to pick our own seats in Computer class and I must be crazy and deranged, but I didn't sit with my friends. I have reasons I must keep myself. I'm not mad at anyone. Not anymore. I cleaned up all that hate. Don't get the wrong idea. I don't hate anyone. Hate is a strong word, after all. It's just......everybody has those instances in life..... 
• And I figured that I'd want to work alone. I probably wouldn't be able to concentrate with my friends. I'm sorry.
• And sometimes, I'm better off alone. I usually feel out of place and isolated among groups of people, anyway. It's been like that lately. 
• Alone is a lonely word.
• Recess cheered me up. Neverland, but then.....hmm
• Bio had me cramming for my life again. 
• English, too.
• Believe me, I was a mess. I was a wreck. I was broken. I was crappy. I was shitty. I was all of those during English time. I couldn't cope with myself and all the questions floating around me. 
• Lunch. Oh heck, lunch. I got a bit teary eyed. I don't know. At that point, I was ready to scream at everyone and break down.
• Is this PMS? 
• No?
• You don't know? 
• I don't either.
• CLE and Club Time was fine.
• And dismissal was quite okay too.
• My mother fetched me late and didn't let me attend my piano lessons. I was feeling quite dazed, dizzy and exhausted, anyway.
• I ranted a bit. 
• Mcdo fixed me up for the time being. So did my guitar.
• Francesca and Cleverbot. Awesome.
• Friday phone calls.
• The best one yet was from Janina. Gosh, that girl knows how to cheer me up
• "I may be lost, but you're copy pasting"
• Yes, I'm Lost. My name is Lost.
• And I know this has been a long post, but I've had a really bad day so let me be.

Y'all remember this song?

Of course you do.