Here comes the part I dread the most. That part in this poorly directed movie of a life, that is mine, when everything comes together for everyone else, but never for me. When the broken ones save their sinking hearts and mend their broken bones, while I fall off the crumbling tip of the iceberg.

I woke up today and I was angry. It was the kind of anger that hid in the silence. The peaceful kind. The kind you try to stash at the back of your mind in an attempt to forget. I was angry at the strong gut feelings of deja vu I was getting. I was angry at the past for trying to force itself into the present. Or maybe, I was hurt. It's hard to tell when you're human and you're overwhelmed. Please, though. Give now a chance. Give me a chance.

I think I am lonely. Perhaps I will never lose this loneliness. I yearn for it, for the lovely kind of lonely tinged with nostalgia. I embrace it. I embrace the thoughts that flow out of my loneliness. I embrace the sad songs that sympathize.

I do not like this kind of lonely, though. The kind of lonely that snatches you away from the world and throws you into this limbo of nothingness, and you're alone with your ghosts. I dread it.

I get attacks, sometimes. In the middle of the day. From my thoughts. They have been very loud lately, screaming like banshees, hungry for a victim. But I am the only victim they can capture. I am the only one they can break. There is no escape. 

Decipher me. I am the dead ends you meet and the maze you were mistaken to enter. Humor me. I am tired of trying to humor myself. Or give me a long, warm hug. I like hugs