All I know is that I'm not doing too well in school. 


All I know is that life's unfair and you're unfair and it's unfair how you can get away with it and I can't. I can't because I can't get angry at the people I love and it stifles me and suffocates me and breaks me inside. It frustrates me when I try to tell you things and you don't let me finish because your judgments get in the way. I try to tell you things and you always have something to say and I can't blame if you don't see things in my dysfunctional perspective. I don't blame you at all, but I don't think there's much room to grow here for me. I'm not happy and I don't I want you to comfort me this time if me not being happy feels like a burden to you. I'm just not happy. Maybe you should just let it be. Don't stretch yourself out. You don't deserve a freak like me. 


All I know is that my self-destructive thoughts are getting the best of me. Maybe I've caught some kind of personality disorder. I don't know. 


All I know is that I love the "you" in my thoughts. I love the "you" in reality as well but you frustrate me a lot. The people I love all frustrate me in one way or another, but unlike all of them, you understand and you listen and you try and that makes me feel nice. I like nice. 


All I know is that the talk about social media didn't help me at all. I'm not here to help a good cause or to protest the world's issues. I'm not here for people to read. I'm here for myself. I can only write for myself and if that makes me selfish, then be it. Let it be. I don't care. I try to be vague but sometimes, I guess I just don't care anymore if someone gets hurt over the things I write because I didn't write all these for them. I wrote these for myself and hurting them was never in my intentions. You should know by now that I'd rather hurt myself than hurt others. I know I probably sound like some snotty, indifferent little prick, but then again, who cares? 


All I know is that it's almost midnight and I should sleep, but I'm not going to because I have unfinished homework, because I procrastinated. I'm exceptionally good at that and maybe that's why I'm not doing so well. But I'm not happy trying to "do well" according to their standards. I'm not happy being stuck in this rut of people's expectations. I'm not happy trying to compete for that spot. I'm not happy and I don't love what I'm doing and I don't know why I'm doing this. It's my ego. My ego is at stake. I don't have much going on for me, but I don't have any stable source of motivation anymore. I used to do this for myself, but I've grown so bitter over everything that it's not enough anymore.