I'll start by apologizing. I don't really know whom I've hurt purposely or deliberately, but I'm sorry if I did. If you were hurt by the words I said, the words I typed in online, I'm sorry. It's rare that I actually let myself loose with things that'll hurt a person, and if I do, I usually regret it afterwards. Otherwise, I'm not aware of those actions at all. And online is the only place I can rant with sweet freedom. The only place I can pour myself out, the only thing that's willing to accept all the negativity I want to let out. Even if it's nonliving and inanimate, sometimes, it's enough. It's not like I can just pull someone out from nowhere and just cry, sob, scream, talk, talk and talk about myself and my life and all the stupid shit I've been feeling. And school has always been an obstruction. It deprives me of time to write with actual pen and paper. I know I'm getting completely off the topic, but yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for irresponsible actions. I'm sorry for....everything I should be sorry for. Maybe this is terribly selfish and unfair of me, but I'm not about to reminisce and enumerate all my wrongdoings. Like I've said, too much negativity.
I know most of you, people that should be reading this, probably won't even be aware of this apology, but at least, the universe did. The universe witnessed it all and I hope if ever my mistakes come rushing back to the minds of those particular people, I hope the universe gives them the permalink to the post.
Oh and to Chryssie and Janina, my two lovely friends, I'm sorry for ranting so much, being so darn pessimistic. I love you, guys and please, let us never ever drift apart. But if ever we do, in all seriousness and sincerity ( because I know it's possible. The universe has a twisted sense of humor and purpose, after all. ), I hope we all end up happy and I hope we can always row our boats back to....you know, before? I can't tell you this in person, or on the phone, so I decided to just face it and post it here. But enough of my gibberish, I love you. Thanks for sticking by me.
Next...uh, I don't really have any idea how to start the subtle changes. All I know is that I'm not about to cut off my liberation just to avoid hurting people. Be more careful, maybe? Open my mind a bit? I don't know. I'm already confusing myself. Too many thoughts and too much emotions to catch up with. Sighhh. GROW TALLERRRR.
And you know, Joy, I think it's better if you just wait for some things to.....come or surface or hit you in the face before you go on and take it with open arms. Just a piece of advice cause you know, it happened. Didn't turn out that well. Heh. This is just something to look back to. It's funny, really.
I will let some things go, but I won't completely seal them off.
I will.
I will.
I will.
I will try.
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