The only thing I'm praying for every single night is for me to understand everything I'm feeling because one minute, I've figured it all out. The next, nothing makes sense. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

I've been laughing a lot lately. Laughing without reason. It wipes off all the clutter in my mind but it manages to fly right back. Cliche as it may seem, laughter really is the best medicine, but I need a stronger dosage to cure me. 

If these alterations become permanent and that was the last...... I don't know. As usual, I guess I'll just force myself to live with that. If it makes everyone happy, it'll be alright. I'd rather suffer alone than affect the people around me. It's better than knowing someone having closeted anger at you after all this time of thinking everything's fine.

I cannot get over this. I cannot. I simply cannot.

I have to live with things. I have to listen to things. I have to see things happen. I have to live with everything I don't want to live with.

I want to talk to someone. 

I want to hug someone.

Ok.

Hahahaha i love you.