June 22, 2013. Today was so worth it. 

Last leadership training. I love you both too much for words. 

Meet Czes, errbody! Group 9 represent!! (because we weren't able to take a group picture aww)

Chinney!! 

Ching chong lunch date, Kimbap, Chilsung Cider and Pocari Sweat with the best friend

Look at how cute this little bunny is.....

.....meanwhile, sleepy eyes over Kimbap woozah

I get a little cranky after long naps

Rice balls, ramyun and jazz with the 'rents

Pretty lights 

Hi moms

I feel a little hungry for words whenever I enter a bookstore, thus my little book haul .

June 21,2013. Mcdo date with my two lovey doveys, Chryss and KC. That is all. Everything else is shit.

I mistook the breeze for a car in passing
your back is turned, shoulder blades
cutting through shoulder blades
cutting through shoulder blades until
yours are the only ones I see
The car never came
your back is turned, shoulder blades
cutting through shoulder blades
cutting through
me

I mistook the breeze for a sandstorm
the pavement for a desert
must this be how a
wasteland feels?
dust crawling in
dust crawling out
you seeping in
you seeping out
until I am no more than dust to dust to dust
until I am no more to you

June 19, 2013. I don't feel settled in.

June 18, 2013. First college application down. A lot more to go, but I feel like I can finally breathe again.  I had an hour of piano lessons from 7-8 pm and if it wasn't for the fact that my piano teacher was a tad bit too nice, I probably would have drained myself out again. There were lots to do, a pile of homework but I took a break at midnight just to make a blog post and ended up drowsing off on my English notebook at 2 am. I have no regrets except for the fact that I was almost late for school, but aren't I always? I'm already worrying, already worrying, already worrying.  Never good enough, never doing enough, never enough.

June 17, 2013. I don't know with you guys but my week didn't start out right, thus beginning my 3 am bedtime streak. I had guilt coursing through me for a quarter of the day. I forgot things. I felt preoccupied, for some reason. Applications were due tomorrow and I had no stamps, no deposit slip and no courses so I ended up throwing a fit in the bathroom at almost midnight, mentally screaming to God for help and praying that my parents don't barge in to see me in such an emotional mess. Welcome to my life. This is how I am on bad days.

June 16, 2013. Father's Day and the holiday felt like nothing special. I feel like life is stretching out everyone I know. I touched the piano keys for the first time after two months and it did not feel at all like dancing pirouettes with my fingers. A lot of things do not feel at all like I have always thought they would feel. My priorities were mangled and tangled, college courses floated around in my head and my mom's nagging pushed me to my breaking point. There was a band playing the 60's, 70's and 80's. I watched old people pass me by at dinner with their heads bobbing to the beat, some groove in their strides, snaps ready at their fingertips. I felt the urge to belt my heart out when they played OH WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP (BUILD ME UP!) BUTTERCUP BABY JUST TO LET ME DOWWWN.

So Father's Day. The holiday felt like nothing special but here: meet the father who curses like a sailor when he's angry, brews coffee that literally makes my heart skip a beat, brags about how good-looking he finds himself and meet the daughter who wishes he doesn't grow too old, who is sorry that she's not the type to give a lot of hugs and kisses, who hopes  he knows that she loves him.

June 15, 2013: In triple birthday celebrations, fine company and fake polaroids. 

Happy 60th! Don't grow too old.

....And Nate decides to show up at 11 pm 

Enjoy 15, love! Keep smiling :)

Happy happy happy

June 14, 2013. Lack of sleep, a heavy heart, college applications, disorganized Math notes, and last but oh, definitely not the least, false hopes, false hopes, false hopes. An overwhelming craving for company, too, at 11 pm in this rainy weather. I wanted to talk but I didn't know what to talk about. I felt too much again and I guess I was looking for someone patient enough to listen to me ramble on and on and on until I figure things out for myself, or maybe someone who was just as disgruntled and fazed as I was about the little things. I didn't want to be a bother.

June 13,  2013. I landed in the Fine Arts elective. Our teacher calls us weirdos.  I don't mind. We're all a little strange. I hope this is a sign that I should push through with taking Multimedia Arts for college but I'm never sure. How can you ever be in a world where everything is uncertain? People are fickle; feelings falter; everything is unsteady and constantly changing. Trust is hard to build around a place like that. Nonetheless, I woke up feeling dull but plot twist: things took a turn and I actually liked how my day went. Good day, dreary night. Everyone was struggling to grasp the fact that it had only been two and half days of being in school. My very first college application is stressing me out. All the applicants I know are much too confused  about the procedure and to think we're going through all this just for a testing permit. No guarantee that we'll get in at all. I hope our school cared a bit to orient us, but what's new? I'm learning to live with how things are. I went through a journalism screening and thank God I didn't have a difficult time coming up with a news article. I think I'm going to be okay but would you care to send out a little prayer for me? I'm undergoing a second screening but I'll have Chryss with me this time. That takes a little off my chest. I fell asleep at 2 am and yes, I did regret it when I woke up.